I need to learn from my mistakes. I need to stop repeating myself. This is hard for most people but especially for me because I think I fear change in my personal life more then most people do. I need to see that the food pellet shocks me and stop thinking "well maybe this time it won't."

One big thing I that I need to stay away from people with borderline personality disorder. This is hard for me because it seems like a big chunk of everyone who has ever acted like a friend to me has had it. It's really hard for me to reject anyone. Not just because I feel like I don't have enough friends to be able to "afford" to reject or give up on anyone but because it just seems to go against every value I have. It just seems so wrong to "give up" on anyone. Not that everyone can change necessarily but "giving up" on someone is just so awful.

But borderline people are like poison to me. If you don't like their personality, wait three days. If you don't like what they think of you, wait three days. I think most people would find this maddening but it's really hard when you're relationship with everyone seems to be subject to unseen forces. (Unseen when you can't read social cues). It's really hard when you think a person has turned over a new leaf, but of course they haven't.

Maybe I'm over generalizing. I'm not sure. I just wish everyone would make up their minds, say what they mean and stop playing head games. It’s never going to happen though